


Life On Denial

by Ononymous



Series: Christmas 2020 Stories and Requests [8]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Agatha Christie References, Gen, Mystery, Post-Undertale Pacifist Route, Whodunnit Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:00:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28487943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ononymous/pseuds/Ononymous
Summary: "Jerry stole the cookies from the cookie jar!""Who, me?""Yes, I think it was you.""Could have been. But it wasn't, I've got chisps." Jerry scratched his butt."Then who?" asked Toriel. She was going to find out
Relationships: Asgore Dreemurr & Asriel Dreemurr & Toriel
Series: Christmas 2020 Stories and Requests [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2074179
Comments: 8
Kudos: 5





	Life On Denial

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bad_Dreems](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bad_Dreems/gifts).



The sun continued to belt in from the window, and Toriel continued to enjoy its warmth, glass of wine in hand. For most monsters the novelty of sunlight, even as epoch-making a novelty as wandering beyond the barrier would be, had gradually worn off. Not so for those who had once taken the sun for granted and had it seized from them. There would always be part of them who feared it could be taken away from them once again, so best to enjoy it while they could. Toriel had experienced this several times over, but while her son would not thrive in her insisted presence and needed his own space, the sun had no such developmental quandaries to navigate. So she sat, admiring the hustle and bustle of the street outside, enjoying her drink. And then she craved a cookie.

It was an odd pairing, made even more peculiar by the care she took with wine. It was in her to cut loose, to make quite the fuss, but she wasn't sure what the worse outcome was; The embarrassment, or showing vulnerability when children still needed her. Still, that was her own demon to grapple with, no matter how much understanding Asriel showed, and control was clearly the answer. And cookies didn't have that problem. So she got up, went into the kitchen and opened the cookie jar.

Two cookies looked up at her.

"Hmm? But I baked a batch two days ago."

She frowned at the only possibility: Someone was helping themselves to cookies without permission. If they had asked, she'd probably have said yes, but it was the principle of the matter. And who knows how many dinners were ruined by them! Well two at most, surely. Or wait, what if there was more than one thief? No no no, she had to solve this mystery. She looked out the back window, where her children played with their friends. Any crumbs would long have fallen among the grass, and lining them up for interrogation would not work. She needed a way to catch them red handed.

 _Well why don't you just stop making cookies?_ asked a part of her brain.

"Because they taste good!" she said aloud. No, better to solve this with solid evidence. And an old trick her father once taught her may just be the answer...

* * *

"And the chips, please Papyrus."

"HERE, MAJESTY."

The skeleton enthusiastically dumped the whole bag into the batter she had been stirring. These cookies would have roughly triple the number of chocolate chips as usual, but no matter. In fact that would be useful. She stirred more vigorously to get an even spread of chips, then placed the bowl next to the three baking trays she'd already prepared.

"I BROUGHT MY OAKEN CASKET," said Papyrus, "IN CASE YOU WANTED TO ADD A NICE SMOKEY TEXTURE."

"...no thank you, Papyrus. But there is one thing I must do..."

With her left hand she made a complicated series of movements, and it glowed purple. As did the cookie batter. Once both glows passed, she dolloped the batter onto the trays. Once three dozen cookies had been laid out, she put them in the oven, then threw in a bolt of magical fire to bake them.

"While these bake, would you care for a game of whist?"

"WOULD I?!"

Forty minutes later, a chime announced that everything was ready. Toriel let Papyrus shuffle the cards back into the deck while she took out the trays and cleared the cookies onto a wire mesh to allow them to cook, the step before putting them into the jar.

"Papyrus, would you like to take three of these? Be careful, they're still hot."

"NOT A PROBLEM TO MY PALETTE, MAJESTY!" He picked up the three cookies suggested and munched happily on them. "I THINK I'D ADD MORE CHIPS, PERSONALLY, BUT THESE ARE EXCELLENT NONETHELESS!"

Toriel smiled. "Thank you. And now..."

Her left hand glowed purple once again as she touched his shoulder. Something equally purple flashed into existence above his head. He looked up to see it was a sign reading "THIEF".

"GADZOOKS! THIS ACCUSATION IS QUITE UNFAIR, YOU OFFERED THEM TO ME!"

Toriel was trying not to laugh. "I- snrkt- I did indeed, Papyrus, but you've fallen for- snrkt- a trick my father used on his merchandise. Money was tight when I was growing up, and he couldn't afford to deal with people pretending they hadn't stolen from him. Anything they took, or ate, that hadn't passed through his right hand first, he could make this sign appear above them. Here, let me..." she touched his shoulder with her right hand, and the sign vanished.

"WOWIE, THIS WOULD HAVE RESOLVED ALL THE ARGUMENTS I HAVE WHEN SANS TAKES ALL THE KETCHUP. I MEAN I ALWAYS KNOW IT'S HIM, I DON'T HAVE KETCHUP ON MY FOOD, BUT STILL! MOST CRAFTY, TORIEL."

"I am glad you approve. And soon..." she clenched her left fist in triumph. "I shall discover the culprit!"

* * *

The rarely used study - filled to the brim with books of educational, historical, or joking topics - was filled with people of various shapes and sizes. Toriel stood in front of the roaring fire, eyes narrowed suspicion.

"I am sure you are all wondering," she began, "why I have asked you to come to the study."

"I'M NOT," said Papryus, "I KNOW EXACTLY WHY!"

Toriel cleared her throat, trying to keep control. She took the jar she'd brought in with her, revealing the sole surviving cookie. "I baked a batch of thirty-three cookies three days ago. Someone in this very room has been making a habit of abusing my hospitality without permission, and I am determined to discover whom has been doing so!"

Scandalised chatter filled the room. Toriel allowed herself to examine every face, but failed to find an obviously guilty one. So she continued.

"Fortunately, the means by which I shall do so are already at hand. My left hand, that is, hee hee." She raised it for dramatic effect. "Anyone who has taken three or more cookies shall be revealed in their larceny. I shall use an innocent person as an example. Papyrus helped me bake these, and he is aware of the trap I enfused them with-"

As she touched his shoulder with her left hand, a large purple "THIEF" sign appeared above him. Undyne burst into laughter.

"OH I'M SO SORRY!" he cried. "THEY WERE JUST TOO DELICIOUS, I HAD TO HAVE A FEW MORE!"

Understandably Toriel was taken aback by this betrayal. "W-well," she spluttered, "how many did you take?"

"FOUR IN TOTAL, I'M SO SORRY!"

She touched him with her right hand to dispel the sign. "That... that's alright, Papyrus. So, that is twenty-eight cookies unaccounted for. I myself ate four since I baked them, so that's twenty four. So..."

She walked over to Sans, and touched him with her left hand. Nothing happened.

"ain't been in the mood for cookies, tori. sorry if i was a _chip_ on yer shoulder about it."

She smirked. "Alright, Sans. Undyne...?"

Undyne passed inspection. "I make my own cookies, your _highness_. And Alphys says they don't taste so burnt!"

"I see. Very well..." Alphys in turn was not denounced as a thief. So then Toriel turned to the only human. "Frisk, my child, I know I have let you have some cookies after dinner. I gave them to you with my right hand, so you wouldn't be affected by the spell. Unless you had any more...?" She narrowed her glare.

"...I had two more," admitted Frisk, "so I won't appear on the spell, but... I'm sorry."

Toriel confirmed this, then gave Frisk a hug. "It is alright. Thank you for your honesty. But please ask in future if you wanted more. That would be nine cookies, so fifteen are left." She turned to the King of Monsters, accusation in her gaze. "Asgore. You could never resist, especially if you got the children to help..."

To her surprise, Asgore was not affected by the spell. "I haven't been in the mood for cookies lately, Tori. I am sorry I can't help explain."

Toriel had a complicated look on her face. "...very well." She turned to the final person, having chosen to sit on the floor by the fire. "Asriel, my son, you have also had some cookies after dinner these past few days. But that still leaves nine cookies unclaimed. Before I reveal the truth..."

"...okay," he admitted, "I had three..."

Disbelief and disappointment were apparent on her face as she bent over to touch his shoulder... and then fell backwards in pure shock.

"Three... at a time... three times," admitted a deep, malevolent voice. "Wait, huh...?!"

Toriel was not the only one to move back from where Asriel had been sitting. Now floating there was an enormous figure, with no legs to speak of, rather a long thing heart shaped lower torso, with a circular mid-torso with a heart layered on an inverted heart layered on a third heart. Long spiky pauldrons acted as his shoulders, above arms as long as tree trunks that rested on the ground, and the head of a large boss monster, with a protruded muzzle filled with large sharp teeth, and long twisty horns. Even his floppy ears ended in a point. All this was capped off with wings that radiated every colour of the rainbow, accidentally knocking books off the shelves. A tiny purple "THIEF" sign floated above the absolute god of hyperdeath.

"Wh... what the heck?!" said Asriel, losing his menacing lustre by his childish bewilderment. "How did this happen?!"

"...y-your m-mother's s-spell must have i-interacted with the r-residual effects of when you a-absorbed all our souls," suggested Alphys. "A-and/or how we stabilized your form."

"Ugh," said Asriel, very un-divinely, "this is so embarrassing. Mom, I'm sorry, can you undo the spell and change me back?"

"...I think I can," said Toriel, recovering from her shock, "but maybe a few hours of enforced playacting shall teach you to ask for permission in future."

"Aw, come ooooooon!" he begged, his petulance further destroying the illusion of apotheosis.

"Um, Toriel," said Asgore, "how will he leave this room for bed time?"

Toriel looked over at the already oversized door designed for her own stature, then at her son who clearly outpaced it. She smiled mischievously. "Perhaps he can do his homework with the books here first."

"with them big mittens?" asked Sans.

"...no, of course not. Of course I would not punish him like that. I am sorry, my child." She touched him with her right hand, and with a flash of light the young child reappeared. He hugged her in gratitude. His father joined in the hug.

"Thanks, Mom! I'm so sorry, I'll always ask in future."

"That is all I desired, Asriel," she said.

"Um," said Asgore, "since we've been talking about cookies so much, might I have the final one?"

Toriel blinked, clearly not expecting the question. "Certainly, Asgore, allow me to-"

"Arf!"

A small white dog pulled his head out of the jar, final cookie in mouth. A purple flash surrounded him, suggesting the spell had been countered and broken against Toriel's will, and he scurried out the door before anyone could stop him.

"Ha!" Undyne had leapt from her seat, pulling Asgore from the family hug and leading him out of the room. "That's a perfect excuse for a cooking lesson, Fluffybuns! Papyrus, I think we'll need your oaken casket."

"OF COURSE YOU WILL!"

**Author's Note:**

> Original suggestion: A case where Toriel needs to crack who's been emptying the cookie jar. So one the last batch she adds a little more magic to it
> 
> Let me know what you think, and thanks for reading!


End file.
